{love this little blue nursery for a girl.....found on little lovely (just love that blog!!)}
{i wanted to give a little update on our adoption...which some of you probably already know based on e-mails, phone calls and my facebook page. our wait has grown even longer....we are now at 18 months. when we first started our adoption process the waiting time was 12-16 months...which both myself and my husband were very comfortable with. we knew we had a lot to still get ready and we could easily stay busy that long...you know...watch the time pass pretty quickly. for the most part the referral waiting time was averaging around 12 months (yahoo right?) and pretty much stayed around 12 months. it was exciting...all the months were just flying by and i couldn't be happier...the excitement was building...i didn't let myself start planning anything until the beginning of this year...everything was working out like the paper time line said. silly me...to think that it would go by the paper...reality set it in March...when the wait went to 14 months....and then in April...16 months and if it couldn't get any worse...in May...you guessed it...jumped up to 18 months. Each time it increased, we would feel like we had been sucker punched. our homestudy anniversary is next week and last year at this time...i thought we would be beyond excited and probably on the tips of our toes...checking our phones...checking our e-mails...thinking that any day we'd get to see a picture of our child. now that we are finally here...this month feels like all the rest...just another month to hopefully pass quickly and mark off on the calender. the best way to describe how i felt after this past month...well the excitement in me...died....quickly. i really don't know how else to describe it other then that...i'm sure there are more words that i could use..plenty more..but we'll leave it at that. we have so many friends that have had children recently and so many that are about to have children....but yet here we stand....no date to look forward to...no idea when our family will go from 2 to 3. i just feel numb to it all and a little silly for thinking the process would all go so quickly. don't get me wrong...i still enjoy looking at things for little ones but i don't have that little jump in my stomach anymore...to know that our referral isn't until the end of this year when we thought for sure we'd have our little one home by then...well it makes me a little ill. in the back of my head, i pray for a miracle to happen...not just for us but for all the other families who have had their homestudy dates come and go with no referral.....only to be left waiting for that unknown day when they will finally see a picture of their forever child. there's my update...it's depressing i know...but some day...it will be happy again...until then enjoy your children (if you have any) and know that there are families who so badly want what you have.}
12 comments:
Oh, D. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I so wish I could make things change for you. The wait is beyond hard. I'm praying that referral comes in before you expect it.
We didn't have to wait long for our referral, but I want you to know you're not alone. We know what it's like to see couples with children and have our heart ache to have a family of our own. It hurts. I had even lost my excitment for family and friends when they would announce pregnancies.
I admire your honesty on your blog. I'm thinking of you and praying things change. Hang in there. You're right when you say your update will be happy again. That day IS coming.
I love seeing all of the cute baby ideas you find! Congrats on next week being the one year anniversary of your home study approval date. I know the wait is hard and I pray that lots of referrals start coming quickly.
-Bridgette and Raleigh
I can never in a million years imagine what you are going through...
I can cry for you (and I am) and pray that through all this your waiting will have the most amazing outcome.
Oh Dana. I know the feeling of empty arms. It is painful. Hugs to you.
Ugh! To have a moving target like this is so hard! When you have your expectations set on a certain time frame and then to have it - repeatedly - moved is just not good for your heart. Just wanted to say I'm sorry. When you see that photo it will all be worth the wait because you will know deep down that this little baby was meant to be your child.
dana ... i will be sure to hold my little ones extra close tonight and think of you deeply!
you and ben have to be the strongest, most patient and most beautiful people i know ... to open your hearts so big to a little person whom you haven't even met is beyond LOVE in my book. i pray that your wait only brings additional love and support!
I am so sorry to hear this. :( The whole process is so emotionally exhausting and has so many ups and downs and twists and turns sometimes. I wish I had some wonderful words to make you feel better. Just know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that things start to move along and that you see that baby that is meant to be yours very soon.
nay, my heart is aching for you...love ya.
:( dana ... so sad for you & ben. your feelings this month are totally VALID. this month is a loss - even if it was just a dream that this month would be going differently - it's a loss of a dream. :( and that is so hard & so real. during this wait i'm sure you've had good milestones [all the checks in the boxes, room preparation, gifts, etc.] but this one is just one of those yucky milestones. one that should have been something else - but wasn't. :( you are in my prayers ... as is little C. xo
i'm so sorry friend.......i take so much for granted sometimes.....so, thank you for helping me to see your heart, and i will pray for the perfect timing......and for peace that is unexplainable to encompass you during this walk through the valley.......
So sorry that your wait time keeps growing longer Dana. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts for the time to pass quickly.
Julia
Oh no... the wait for a girl is growing so long! It's never easy - but enjoy the time you have together as a couple, because before you know it you WILL be parents! They are matching the perfect child with you and your hubby - and that can take some time.
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