*sweet girlie blue....and an update*

{love this little blue nursery for a girl.....found on little lovely (just love that blog!!)}

{i wanted to give a little update on our adoption...which some of you probably already know based on e-mails, phone calls and my facebook page. our wait has grown even longer....we are now at 18 months. when we first started our adoption process the waiting time was 12-16 months...which both myself and my husband were very comfortable with. we knew we had a lot to still get ready and we could easily stay busy that long...you know...watch the time pass pretty quickly. for the most part the referral waiting time was averaging around 12 months (yahoo right?) and pretty much stayed around 12 months. it was exciting...all the months were just flying by and i couldn't be happier...the excitement was building...i didn't let myself start planning anything until the beginning of this year...everything was working out like the paper time line said. silly me...to think that it would go by the paper...reality set it in March...when the wait went to 14 months....and then in April...16 months and if it couldn't get any worse...in May...you guessed it...jumped up to 18 months. Each time it increased, we would feel like we had been sucker punched. our homestudy anniversary is next week and last year at this time...i thought we would be beyond excited and probably on the tips of our toes...checking our phones...checking our e-mails...thinking that any day we'd get to see a picture of our child. now that we are finally here...this month feels like all the rest...just another month to hopefully pass quickly and mark off on the calender. the best way to describe how i felt after this past month...well the excitement in me...died....quickly. i really don't know how else to describe it other then that...i'm sure there are more words that i could use..plenty more..but we'll leave it at that. we have so many friends that have had children recently and so many that are about to have children....but yet here we stand....no date to look forward to...no idea when our family will go from 2 to 3.  i just feel numb to it all and a little silly for thinking the process would all go so quickly. don't get me wrong...i still enjoy looking at things for little ones but i don't have that little jump in my stomach anymore...to know that our referral isn't until the end of this year when we thought for sure we'd have our little one home by then...well it makes me a little ill. in the back of my head, i pray for a miracle to happen...not just for us but for all the other families who have had their homestudy dates come and go with no referral.....only to be left waiting for that unknown day when they will finally see a picture of their forever child. there's my update...it's depressing i know...but some day...it will be happy again...until then enjoy your children (if you have any) and know that there are families who so badly want what you have.} 
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