10.13.2010

*are we close?*

{i often ask myself this...are we getting to the end of this very long dark tunnel? i know i am not alone in wondering this..so are so many of my family members...so many of my friends and especially my b.}

{we have been having a little difficulty with our agency. a couple weeks ago, we tried to set up a meeting with our new social worker so that we could meet her and find out who we were working with...after many back and forth e-mails..she sent us an e-mail saying that the director would be calling us. no explanation. no reason..just that she would be calling us to let us know what to expect from this moment forward and to answer any questions. this was the middle of the week. we gave the director until the following tuesday to call and after no call...i picked up the phone and called her. i couldn't stand the wait and suspense of this call. for days, we wondered why would she need to call us? why can't we meet with our new social worker? what is going on? i had had enough. i wanted to know why. to my amazement, the director's voice mail said that she would be out of town the rest of the week, returning this week. no big deal right? well not really. that meant we would have to wait 2 weeks for the answer to why. i could not do that. so i called our new social worker. she told me that she was leaving for maternity leave in december. this was why the director was going to call us. we were going to be given a choice...a) stick with her for the next month and a half and then get a new social worker (#3) when she leaves for maternity leave or b) get a new social worker (#3) now. all i could think was...really? this is what it was all about? this is what we've been waiting for for 6 days? i couldn't understand why this wasn't dealt with before. why were they making us wait so long for this information? the other question was, why were we given a person who would be leaving so soon? i mean...aren't we close to our referral? doesn't that mean that we would need her there? 
i kindly said that i would need to talk to my husband but really felt it would be best if we were assigned yet another social worker now instead of later. one who would be with us until the end of our process. after getting off the phone, my head hurt. i was so bothered with the whole situation and how it was handled but really not surprised with the lack of communication. we still have not heard from the director. we really do hope we get a call today so that we can find out who our new person will be. to find out if we really are close to getting our referral. and to find out if this new person will be with us until we bring our little one home.}

{now some may wonder why this is such a big deal. well when you deal with one person for 18 months on one of the most important things in your life...and that person leaves...any change is emotional...good or bad. when you rely on one person solely for this important aspect and the communication and information is poor...the emotions run high. here is another way to look at it...you put 100% of your heart into this process. you set yourself up for raw emotions without even knowing it. i can't speak for others, their process might have been swift and easy or they may have had the most wonderful and supportive social worker. all i know is that i have felt emotions that i never thought i would feel. what i do know is that i'm ready for the next wave of emotions...you know..the joyful, happiness, relief, excitement and pure love for my little one type of emotions. so i ask...are we close? because i don't know how much longer i can take the wait. sigh.}

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