{i'd be lying if i said that this wait has been easy. today marks 19 months. wow. it's so hard to fathom that b and i have been waiting 19 months for our referral.  this march, will be two years since we started our adoption journey. a lot has changed since march '09. the wait from home study to referral was 12 months. now they tell us 18+ months. at the beginning, the whole process was only supposed to take around 18 months. one thing i know for sure is, i've learned that waiting...sucks. i try not to think about it but what can i say, i'm human. it's a deep desire i have and to not think about it would be like not breathing to me. the hardest part about the whole process is not getting any answers to help cope with the wait. we've asked why and when and it's always the same thing...not sure and hopefully soon. the worst part is knowing there are other families in our agency who have been waiting even longer then us. at the end of december, our agency stated that there was still two 2008 families waiting for their referrals. that made my heart hurt. still does. i find myself wondering if we will be waiting that long. more so now then ever, i tell myself to live in the now and not in the future. for the most part, it works and it really does help. i never did sit by my phone waiting for the special call and i certainly don't do it now. i guess you can say the wait has caused that type of excitement to diminish. living in the now means that i have been focusing on my business more, my husband and as you read from monday's post...our house projects. every now and again...i feel like the clock is standing still. i don't know how much longer we have but i pray that god grants us patience and guidance as we continue to wait.}

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