{i'd be lying if i said that this wait has been easy. today marks 19 months. wow. it's so hard to fathom that b and i have been waiting 19 months for our referral. this march, will be two years since we started our adoption journey. a lot has changed since march '09. the wait from home study to referral was 12 months. now they tell us 18+ months. at the beginning, the whole process was only supposed to take around 18 months. one thing i know for sure is, i've learned that waiting...sucks. i try not to think about it but what can i say, i'm human. it's a deep desire i have and to not think about it would be like not breathing to me. the hardest part about the whole process is not getting any answers to help cope with the wait. we've asked why and when and it's always the same thing...not sure and hopefully soon. the worst part is knowing there are other families in our agency who have been waiting even longer then us. at the end of december, our agency stated that there was still two 2008 families waiting for their referrals. that made my heart hurt. still does. i find myself wondering if we will be waiting that long. more so now then ever, i tell myself to live in the now and not in the future. for the most part, it works and it really does help. i never did sit by my phone waiting for the special call and i certainly don't do it now. i guess you can say the wait has caused that type of excitement to diminish. living in the now means that i have been focusing on my business more, my husband and as you read from monday's post...our house projects. every now and again...i feel like the clock is standing still. i don't know how much longer we have but i pray that god grants us patience and guidance as we continue to wait.}
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13 comments:
Oh, Dana, my heart goes out to you two. You've been waiting a very, very long time. It's so hard! You must start to wonder if it's ever really going to happen. Well, it is! I promise and the wait will have all been worth it when you look into your baby's eyes. But I know you've heard all that before and at some point those words become meaningless. I understand. We did not have to wait nearly as long as you, but I can definitely relate to being with an agency that never really gives you any concrete answers. It's so frustrating! If you ever want to chat, vent, or cry - you know where to find me. Hugs to you.
I have not waited for our referral as long as you have but I can attest to the fact that the waiting sucks. There really is nothing you can do but live in the moment, sometimes that's easy and sometimes not so much but like you it's always on my mind. Hopefully we will both have good news this year and all the painful waiting will be a distant memory.
Dana, I know that this wait is grueling and difficult to bear. It will defintely be a day to remember and such a total shock when you finally do get that call! You are smart to live in the moment and enjoy your life. Hang in there, you are a strong woman and have a lot of support who understand this incomprehensible process.
Waiting severely sucks, Dana. We met our Nicholas when he was 10 months old and were not allowed to bring him home until he was 19 months old. Those waiting months were the most agonized of my life.
I heard 100s of times that "The wait would be worth it in the end."
I never have shared that sentiment. The waiting wasn't 'worth' anything - it just broke hearts and damaged an innocent baby.
I can tell you that it will come to an end and the intensity will wane over time. But, ultimately the adoption wait changed me - for better and worse - and definitely forever.
I, for one of many, will be so so thrilled to celebrate your referral news when it's delivered.
So, be gentle with you and your B. It's pure awfulness.
cm
oh, dana...you're right, there's no way around it...waiting is just pure suckiness. sure, in hindsight it it'll be easier to look back on, but it won't change how hard this part is for you and ben. my heart hurts for you, my friend and i really do wish i could have walked into the agency in korea and screamed at them for you...or at least have cb go and charm them with his cuteness into giving you a referral ;) but, in all seriousness, we're here for you, dana...and i don't know what to say because we didn't have to wait anywhere near what you guys are facing, but all i know is this must just awful. call or email if you every just need to vent or cry or just be.
praying for you...
Beautifully written Dana. Thank you for sharing your heart. I totally agree...this waiting sucks!
thinking about you guys...
dana..it just breaks my heart that things have been at a standstill for so very long. I can still remember that longing to be a mother all too well and it truly saddens me that it hasn't happened for you yet. i know that you are meant to be a mommy and that in time it WILL happen. I just pray that your referral comes soon and that you can take one day at a time during this very difficult wait. i so wish i could take your pain away. :(
i've been thinking about you so much lately. your wait is truly sucking, and it makes my heart hurt. there will be lots of cheering and celebrating when you finally look upon your sweet babe's face. i'm praying and hoping it's soon!
Oh Dana... I feel for you. I wish I had words to soothe your soul... but I just don't. I hope you know I'm waiting with you and I can't wait to celebrate your amazing news. In the meantime, waiting SUUUUCCCCKKKSSS!!! :-/
:P nothing to say except it DOES. SUCK. i've seen you through these 2 years ... and it's not right, not fair. i wish there was an explanation. i really wish there was a clearer light at the end of the tunnel - just SOMETHING that makes sense. i hate surprises - even the BEST of them. i always find a way to find out about them. :) always. so to watch you go through something like this [with no way of sneaking an answer ;)] ... i can't imagine. it's hard enough to sign up for something knowing you're going to wait a long time ... but to have that long time almost double itself - you surely didn't see that coming. i so admire you for your ability to figure out a way to keep your cool & CONTINUE to show such patience. of course, i wish i didn't have to admire you for that! :) wish i could just admire you for your cute taste & awesome crafty talent. ;) xoxoxo
I HATE that you've been waiting so long. HATE IT. It does suck and it's not fair. When the day of your referral comes, there will be some major celebrating.
You amaze me, Dana. You are so strong and positive when you write. I think others who are waiting could look to you for strength. Thinking of you, friend.
I'm so sorry... Hugs!
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